Awesome is almost 4. 4! 4 whole freaking years old! It really does feel like just yesterday we were staring at him in the hospital. It seems like he was just learning how to roll, sit, crawl, stand, walk, run, talk. He's a real person now. I mean, he's always been a real person, but now he's really real. He has thoughts, opinions, his own likes and dislikes. It's crazy. It's weird what little random things really make me think "holy crap, he's not a baby baby anymore". Like when he tried telling me "I don't need my banky.." when he was going to bed. Or when he said "It's a cement truck. I just called it a may-boat when I was a baby. I'm not a baby now". Or when he asked specifically to listen to Firework, by Katy Perry, and then danced his little butt off to it. Or when he says things, and I ask "how do you even know that?!". He's so smart. He knows things that we haven't taught him. He remembers things from a long time ago. He thinks about the future. He can count by 2's, write his name all by himself, crack eggs without getting shells in the bowl... He's amazing. And so, I cry. I cry because I really would like to just be able to hold and snuggle my baby forever, but I know I can't. I cry because I'm so happy with who Awesome is growing in to. I cry because I know that his feelings will get hurt (more than once, more than he'll tell me, and more than I'll be able to fix with a hug and kiss). I cry because I see the littlest bits of me in him, and it's really cool to see. I cry because I see the bond that he has with his daddy, and that's super cool to see. I cry because I get frustrated that not everything is easy. I cry because his food allergies still scare me and his eczema still gets so bad that daddy and I would do ANYTHING to take it away from him and give it to ourselves, just to give Awesome some relief. I cry because he has an imagination and uses it, and that's such a great thing. I cry because he's going to go to school soon, and that means I will get less time with him, and I will miss out on things. I know that's selfish of me, but it's how I feel. I'm kinda selfish when it comes to our babies. I also cry because I'm pregnant, and I've got some crazy hormone stuff happening. Pregnancy does that. But I also know me, and I know I'm a cryer.
4 years.. Wow. 4 years of Walter and I being parents. 4 beautiful years. Even though I'd like to keep my baby a baby forever, I really can't wait to see who he continues to grow into. Because I know it's just going to keep getting better and better.
This parenthood thing is amazing. It's what I was put on earth to do, and it makes me so happy. Even on the hardest, sleepiest, fussiest days. For every cry, there's at least 1 hug, kiss, smile, giggle and funny thing to follow.
Happy 4th birthday Awesome. Mommy and daddy are incredibly proud of who you are, and super thankful that we get to be your parents. We love you so freaking much, Worm. 
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